Love You Forever:A Dan and Phil Phanfic
by fandomsandphan
Summary: What happens when two friends are secretly in love with each other but too afraid to confess their feelings? A Danisnotonfire and Amazingphil Fan fiction.
1. Chapter 1

Love You Forever- A Dan and Phil Fanfiction

Chapter 1:

Dan's POV

I was in love with my best friend and he can't ever know. The agony is enough to drive a man insane. I was in love with his icy blue eyes, his soft black hair, and his vibrant personality that could light up even the darkest room. It pained me that he could never know how I felt, or that I could never call him my own. I had watched him date and break up, love and hate for 6 years. We made videos, laughed and had fun together. But lately, even seeing him made my heart beat faster and my pain just increased seeing him and not being able to care for him in the way I truly wanted to. He could never know my secret; that I cared for him in a way he would never care for me. No matter what happened, I don't think I can ever call Phil Lester truly mine.

"Morning Dan!" I opened my eyes groggily to see Phil leaning over me with a smile on his face. I opened my eyes wider and I realized I wasn't in my room. "You fell asleep on the couch last night while we were watching anime so I brought u blankets and left you here. Hope that was okay," Phil said shyly.

"It was perfectly fine Phil, thanks so much for bringing the blanket," I replied back, still dazed a little. Ugh, he had no idea how much I wanted to kiss him and hug him right now.

Phil's POV

I stood over Dan's sleeping figure, curled up in a ball on the couch under the blanket and just watched. Dan was the love of my life and honestly don't know where I would be without him. I could never tell him I was bi though. He would never feel the same way for me and it would ruin our friendship. I lived in a constant agony because I couldn't kiss him and love him and I could never call him my boyfriend. I leaned over him and shook him slightly to wake him from his beautiful slumber. He stirred almost immediately.

"Morning Dan!" I said cheerily, smiling down at him. At once he tensed, like he didn't understand why he was here and not in his bed. "You fell asleep on the couch last night while we were watching anime so I brought u blankets and left you here. Hope that was okay," I explained to him, a shy smile playing across my lips.

He softened a little. "It was perfectly fine Phil, thanks so much for bringing the blanket," he said quickly. He smiled that trademark cheeky Dan Howell smile, and it was so adorable I just wanted to grab him and kiss his beautiful soft lips. I resisted that temptation and quickly changed the subject to get my mind off it.

"What do you want to do today Dan?" I asked him as we ate our breakfast of cereal and coffee.

"I don't know, is there anything we need to do?" he replied, as we both tried to remember if there was anything that we needed to do or get.

"I don't think we need to do anything today, so we get a day of relaxation!" I said excitedly, as for the past week, we were so busy we never got time to just rest and enjoy life.

"Then I'm going back to bed, it is way too early for me to even function," Dan said and walked off to his room, leaving everything still on the table.

Later, Phil smiled as he cleaned up the mugs and bowls from breakfast. It could be 2 in the afternoon, and it would still be too early for Dan. After he cleaned up the dishes, he went to his room and pondered what he should do. After about an hour, he decided to just go watch some TV, maybe it would clear his mind of his constant heartache.

Dan's POV

"Then I'm going back to bed, it is way too early for me to even function," I said to Phil, smiling. I wasn't tired; not really, but the aspect of a lazy day sounded so perfect I just needed some alone time to sort out my thoughts. I reached my room and just collapsed, alone at last. I had a serious issue to figure out: what to do about Phil. I didn't know if I could live without him, but at the same time I knew that I couldn't live with him either. The emotional pain that I had been feeling had been getting stronger and I didn't know how much more I can take. After 3 hours of talking, crying and packing, I decided. I would go home to my parent's house in Manchester for a while, try to sort out my feelings and then decide if I would move out or not. I hastily packed a suitcase, wrote a note for Phil and left it on my bed, and walked out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Phil's POV

"Dan? Are you awake?" I called down the hall in the direction of Dan's room, expecting some cheeky response like "Well I am now," but I heard nothing. I sighed. He probably had his headphones on and couldn't hear me. "Dan?" I called again, waiting, but still no response. His light wasn't on, there was no sound of footsteps, and his door was closed. I immediately though the worst. Is Dan ok? Was he kidnapped? Did he pass out and I couldn't hear it? I walked over to his room and pressed my ear against the door. No sound, nothing. I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed open and door and almost fainted at the sight. Dan was gone.

His bed was perfectly made, his room was immaculate, and there was a note on his bed. I gasped, terrified of what it might say. I was worried I had lost him forever; that he was going to move out. I sat down and reached to the note, my fingers trembling.

 _Phil,_

 _I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I need some alone time to think. I'm at my parents in Manchester right now, and I am going to stay the week there. Nothing happened; I'm perfectly fine, so don't worry. I don't think I could ever tell you this in person, so I put it in writing. I'm gay. And I'm in love with you, Philip Lester, I always have been. I have always dealt with it fine, until these past few weeks. My feelings are getting stronger, and I don't know how much more I can take. If you think I'm sick and going to hell, I'll leave. I'll take my stuff and find somewhere so you can be at peace. I'm sorry Phil, for everything I have put you through._

 _~Dan_

I was mortified. I could not believe that all this time we felt the same way about each other and we never had the courage to tell the other? If only I had told him one day, then maybe this wouldn't have happened. I lost him. I lost him because I was too terrified to say anything. I missed out on the love of my life because I was a coward. I can't believe how stupid I was, that I could have had everything that I wanted. I need to tell him how I feel. We may never reach that relationship that we both apparently wanted, but he needed to know that I care about him and I want him to come back. I had to call.

Dan's POV

No matter how far I went, how much I tried, I could never get away from my feelings. Even now, far away from Phil and London, I couldn't stop thinking about him. My parents were a little bit surprised when they got a call from me saying that I was on my way and was going to stay the week, but nobody asked me anything about why I decided on such short notice. It was nice to be away from home; to clear my head for a while, but Phil was always there at the back of my mind. I had just woken up from a nap and was checking my phone when my mum poked her head in to tell me I had a phone call.

"Dan? Honey you have a phone call waiting for you. Do you want to answer?" she asked me. I immediately knew who was on the other end, but I asked anyway.

"Who is it from?"

"It's from Phil. He says he needs to tell you something."

"Ok, I'll pick up on the other line," I said wearily. Even when I leave, he's there. He's now not only in my thoughts, but through the phone as well.

I grabbed the phone and raised it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Dan! How could you just leave like that? You worried me so much!" I heard Phil say. He sounded angry and happy at the same time.

"Phil, I didn't just leave. Didn't you get the note I left on you bed for you?" My heart beat quickened. He didn't know any of it. I couldn't tell him now, I didn't have the courage.

"Umm, yeah I saw the note." Phil said quietly. "And I wanted to say…" he trailed off.

"Phil? Are you still there?" I asked, unsure of what to think.

"I'm bi" Phil said almost too softly to hear. I heard a beeping sound and knew that Phil had hung up on me.

I was ready to cry. After all this time, Phil was bi? I felt like a terrible friend for not noticing anything. I had always assumed Phil was straight. What have I done to myself? I was too selfish and afraid of rejection that I may have missed out on the chance for us. I had to make things right between us. I had to go back.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Phil's POV

I hung up the phone. I don't think Dan will ever come back. We were both idiots because we didn't take the chance. He's been gone for 4 hours, and already I miss him. There is a pain in my chest that only escalates. I miss his beautiful brown hair, his cheeky sense of humor, and us just being together. I miss making videos and laughing with him. The fact that we may never be that close again just pains me so much. I want him to come home so I can tell him what I have to tell him in person. He probably hates me for not telling him my secret until now. I have to text him. I need the closure.

 **Message to: Dan**

 **Hey we need to talk when you get home**

 **Thnx, Phil xo**

I don't know why I sent the hug and kiss, it just felt like something I needed to do. Hopefully it won't cause any problems. As soon as I saw the delivered message underneath the text, I sighed defeated. There wasn't much I can do after that. Dan never turned on the "read" notifications because then he would be required to reply to all of his texts. I wish Dan would come home today and we could figure this whole mess out. I kept staring at the door, willing it to open and reveal Dan, home for good. I stared and stared, just waiting. Nothing happened. After 2 hours of watching a door that will never open, I decided it was enough and tried to get on with my day. I did things that I thought would take my mind off of the topic, like cleaning the house or untangling the mass knot of wires from behind our TV, but each time I tried to forget, I would just remember more. I turned off my phone, even though Dan could text me back. I guess I just needed some time by myself. I highly doubt he was going to answer me anyway. Eventually, I had enough of cleaning and went to make myself dinner, as I had not eaten since breakfast with Dan at 10:00 this morning. It was seven o'clock now. I couldn't manage to cook anything without crying, so I ordered a pizza. After I ate, I just stared at the wall for what seemed like forever, just thinking and remembering. I quickly glanced at the clock and I couldn't believe my eyes. How could it be nine o'clock already? I wanted to stay up and wait and see if Dan would come home, but I was bone tired. I went to bed, even though it was really early for me, and tried to fall asleep. Without Dan, everything felt emptier.

Dan's POV

I wanted to leave as soon as Phil hung up on me, but my family was not going to let me leave the same day I got there. My mum complained and complained about how she never gets to see me, and she is not going to let me out of her clutches so easily. On top of that, I had never told them the real reason I was staying there, and I don't plan to. If I had told them up front what this was about, they probably should have let me go. But I just couldn't bring myself to tell them. I guess staying one more day is a small price to pay. We decided that I would stay the night and get a train ticket back to London tomorrow. After that negotiation, I spent the rest of my time in my room, sulking and thinking. I only left my room when my mum called for dinner. I was detached and distracted all through the meal, and everyone noticed. After dinner, I went back to my room and collapsed on the bed. I can't just be sitting here; Phil will think I'm abandoning him and that I don't care about him. I was contemplating texting him when I looked at my phone and saw that he had texted me. My heart lifted a little.

 **Message From: Phil**

 **Hey we need to talk when you get home**

 **Thnx, Phil xo**

I didn't know what to say to that. Do I tell him when I'm coming home? Do I tell him how I feel right now, over text? Should I even text him at all? I immediately ruled out the last one; Phil needed to know I was there. After trying to decide what to text him for almost an hour, I came to a decision.

 **Message To: Phil**

 **We really need to figure all this out. I don't know when my mum will let me out of her clutches, though. I'll try and text you when I know for sure.**

 **~Dan xo**

I don't know why I decided to return the hug and kiss. I wasn't going to sweat it though. I thought a little more and ended up going to bed at 9 o'clock, really early for me. I needed a way to pass the time until I could get on the train to go see Phil again.

The next morning I crept out of the house around 8 am, not even eating breakfast. Since nobody was up to stop me, I left a note for my family saying that I had gone back home and I would try to reschedule this visit for a later date. I had called a cab to get me to the train station. Once I was there, I purchased a ticket, got some breakfast, and sat down to wait for my train. I ate my breakfast and watched other people walk past the bench I was sitting at to get to their trains. I watched businesspeople, couples and families all find their trains and go on with their lives, not noticing as I watched them. Finally it was time for me to board my train to London. I took a window seat in the back and just waited. When the train started to move I just stared, stared at the blurs rushing past. All the colors of the outside were blending together. The train ride took about 3 hours, and I arrived at the London station at about noon. I grabbed a taxi on the way out of the station and climbed in. I gave the address of our apartment building and settled down to relax a little. I was soon dropped off at the building and almost chickened out of going in. But I had to fix this whole issue with Phil. I climbed the stairs and unlocked the door of the apartment. As soon as I shut the door I heard pounding footsteps sprinting down the stairs. I looked up, and standing in front of me was Phil.

"Dan?" was all he said.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Phil's POV

I was sitting at the table eating lunch at around 1 pm when I heard the sound of keys jingle. I jumped up, hoping it was Dan. I quickly sat back down; it was probably just a neighbor. Then I heard the door open. I couldn't take not knowing anymore. Running as fast as I could, I thumped down the stairs to find a rather surprised looking Dan staring back at me. I wanted to hug him, take him into my arms and help him through whatever he was going through. He stared back at me now in a kind of defeated way. I opened my mouth and said softly "Dan?"

He then did something I never expected Dan Howell to ever do: he began to cry. I could see him just break down and lose all control. He just cried and I didn't know what to do. I took him into my arms and we walked upstairs together. We sat on the couch and I asked him "Dan? Do you want to talk about anything?" He shook his head and just cuddled a little closer. I knew he just needed someone to be with him so I stayed. I sat on the couch, holding Dan while he cried. It was perfect. After a while he got up and walked off to his room and I wanted to follow him. I wanted to hold him more, let him know he was safe with me and that I was always there for him. But I resisted that urge. If he needed some time, let him take it. Hopefully he would come to me to talk when he was ready to. I got up and made some coffee for me and settled down to watch a little TV. I found myself constantly worrying about Dan. Is he ok? Did he run away again? I wanted to go and check if he was still there, but I never did.

After a while I went to check on him and his door was closed. Pressing my ear against the wall, I could hear a steady breathing. Dan was asleep. Since it was late, I went to go make dinner. I was in the mood for some comfort food, so I made chocolate chip pancakes and bacon. I had made Dan a plate, but did he want it now? I knocked on his door and heard him say something too soft to hear.

"Dan?" I said quietly, pushing open the door.

"Mrphh" he groaned, waking up.

"I made pancakes for dinner do you want some?" I asked.

At the mention of food his head snapped up and he woke up quickly. "Sure. I'm hungry."

He followed me to the table, where I had set out two plates stacked high with pancakes and bacon. I sat down and he sat across from me. Dinner was really silent, with both of us just eating and not talking. I wondered if I should bring up the incident from the past few days. I decided not to because he still may not be totally ready to talk. After dinner I cleared the dishes and went to sit down on the couch. Dan went back to his room. I'm starting to think Dan will never want to talk about what happened. I flipped through channels until I found an old Doctor Who rerun. I was in the middle of the episode when I heard a voice.

"Phil?"

Dan's POV

I had to talk to him. He had to know how I felt because I couldn't carry this around with me forever. I paced for a little while and finally worked up the courage to talk to Phil. I found him on the couch watching Doctor Who. "Phil?" I said quietly, half hoping that he wouldn't hear me.  
"What is it Dan?"

Dang it. Now I had to go through with what I had planned. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure Dan. What's on your mind?" Phil said, patting the spot on the couch next to him. I tentatively sat down.

"Phil I think that we need to talk about what happened. I don't think I can live like this anymore," I said quietly, looking away.

"Dan-" Phil began. And I had heard enough.

"I-I-I had enough. I don't think I can do this," I stuttered. I tore off the couch and into my room.

"Dan!" I heard Phil yell, but I didn't listen. I ran into my room and shut the door immediately, hoping Phil wouldn't follow me.

I wasn't into my room long when there was a knock at the door. "Dan, it's Phil. Come out so we can talk, ok?"

"No Phil. Go away," I said, my voice muffled by the pillow I had over my face.

"Dan, come on. We have to talk." Phil said. "You know what Dan; I'm coming in." I heard the door open and felt Phil sit down on the bed next to me. I mumbled a "Go away" and tried to ignore the fact that he didn't move or make any motion of leave the room.

"Alright Dan, if you are not going to talk then at least look at me," Phil said strongly. I sat up and looked him in the eyes. He looked worried.

"I don't know what to say to you Phil. I try, but I'm lost every time because I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what Dan?"

"This."

And I kissed him. It was literal perfection. His lips and mine fit perfectly together and I felt like we were the only two people in the world. I was on cloud nine. I pulled away and he looked at me. "I was afraid of rejection and that I was the only one who felt this way about you and me. But I just couldn't take the agony anymore and I had to do something about it. I love you and I want to scream it from the top of my lungs, Phil Lester."

"I love you too, Daniel Howell."


End file.
